” Actor Tom Cruise has won a $10m dollar (�6.23m) case against a gay porn actor who claimed to have had an affair with the film star… Cruise last acted against gay rumors in 2001, when the 40-year-old actor sued Michael Davis, the Los Angeles publisher of Bold Magazine, for $100m… The actor dropped the suit later that year after Davis retracted his claim and agreed to a stipulation that Cruise “is not, and never has been, homosexual and has never had a homosexual affair”.
-from the BBC

This is important, folks, so pay attention: While other celebrities have been frittering their free time away on trivial concerns like leveraging their fame to combat war and hunger, Tom Cruise stands alone for the simple right to be considered Not Gay.

Because when trusted public spokesmen like porn actors cavalierly toss allegations that Not Gay people like Cruise are Not Not Gay, a mere retraction is not enough. There must be reparations, there must be millions of dollars worth of consequences. If rumors like the poison that’s been spread about Tom Cruise are allowed to flourish, the world at large might go to the cinema not knowing the truth about the sexual orientation of the actors who play the characters that are in the films that they’re seeing. And then everybody suffers.

This is a dicey subject to write about. Cruise’s lawyer has been clear: “To the extent that if people are writing stories that defame him, he is going to go after them.” Yikes!


[Photo: Non-Gay Tom Cruise. This man is not gay.]

Now, a $10 million judgment against Fanatical Apathy would put what my accountant has identified as “a serious strain” on my budget. So it’s vitally important that all my readers come away from this entry with a firm grasp of where Fanatical Apathy stands on the issue of Mr. Cruise’s sexual appetites and actions: He’s not gay. He doesn’t do gay things. When you read stories about all the gay, gay, gay things he gets involved in, well, then you must be reading lies. And you won’t find any of those stories around here, because they’re not true. In fact, here’s a list of some, but by no means all of the Gay Things that Tom Cruise Has NOT Done:

- Tom Cruise has not had a gay affair with a porn actor that subsequently destroyed his marriage (see above BBC article for verification).

- Tom Cruise has never “cruised” the public restrooms in New York’s Bryant Park in search of homosexual trysts. He did not do so on October 17th, 2002, and he did not end up romantically entangled with a man named Greg.

- Tom Cruise did not attend, in June of 2000, a big gay party at the home of actor Nathan Lane. As a result, he was not in Mr. Lane’s hot tub that night with several members of a gay motorcycle club. In fact, there is no evidence to indicate that Mr. Lane ever even had such a party, let alone one in which an internationally known non-gay celebrity like Mr. Cruise was seen slathering himself with tapioca pudding and enquiring if any of the assembled men were hungry.

- Tom Cruise has never participated in Greenwich Village’s famous “Mermaid Parade.” So in 1998, he was not the masked “serving boy” on the “Ethel Mermaid” float.

- Mr. Cruise, during his painful breakup with actress Nicole Kidman, did not write her a letter in which he explained that “though I’ll always be grateful that you kept my gay secret safe, I can’t live this lie any longer, because I’m so very gay. In fact, I think I’m more gay today than I was the day we met. I, Tom Cruise, am now so, so gay that I even frighten gay people. I’m gayer than a treeful of parrots. Love, your gay husband, Tom.” Such a letter was never written, never found, and is known not to exist.

There are, of course, many other tales of gay things that Tom Cruise has not done, because he’s not gay. These are only a few of them. Remember - there’s nothing wrong with being gay, it’s just not something that Tom Cruise is. Fanatical Apathy applauds Tom Cruise and his quest to dispel any rumors about him being gay, gay, gay. Tom Cruise: Not Gay for You, Not Gay for America.