“We know for a fact that there are weapons there.”
- White House Spokesman Ari Fleischer

“Mr El Baradei is due to hold talks on Friday with Mr Powell and Condoleezza Rice, President Bush’s assistant for national security. He is expected to broach the subject of the US providing intelligence to back its claims that it knows Iraq definitely has weapons of mass destruction ”
- From the BBC

INT. OVAL OFFICE - THURSDAY

[Gathered around a couch are President Bush, Condoleeza Rice, Colin Powell, Donald Rumsfeld, and Karl Rove. On the couch sits Yusef Alsayed, leader of the Iraqi Peoples Democratic Liberty Freedom Alliance.]

POWELL: Mr. Alsayed, we really need something very concrete at this point.

ALSAYED: “Concrete?” I tell you again and again what I saw, and you ask for concrete? If only YOU had seen the missiles, the tanks of nasty gasses, the bags of disease, then you would not ask for this concrete!

BUSH: How couldja NOT believe this guy?

POWELL: “Bags of disease?”

ROVE: Let the man talk, Mr. Secretary.

ALSAYED: Bags and cannisters, hidden deep underground, filled with the small pox, the anthrax. Also bubonic plague, rickets, herpes, and whooping cough.

POWELL: So now we’re in danger of a herpes missile?

BUSH: Dammit, Colin, this guy knows his stuff! He leads the whole damn, um… Freeple deeple…

RICE: “Iraqi Peoples Democratic Liberty Freedom Alliance.”

ALSAYED: Actually, we changed the name to Iraqi Democratic Liberty Freedom Freemarket America Forever Alliance.

BUSH: Oooh, that’s good. Can I have a button?

ALSAYED: We’re making them now.

POWELL (murmuring): Oy.

ROVE: What was that?

POWELL: Um… I said “Boy.” As in, “Boy, I just can’t wait to see those photographs and documents that Mr. Alsayed promised us because, gosh will that be useful when Mr. El Baradei gets here.”

RUMSFELD: Nag, nag, nag.

ALSAYED: Yes, the documents and pictures are almost here. There has been a delay. See, my brother was stopped by the Republican Guard while transporting the evidence.

BUSH: No!

ALSAYED: Yes, he was. And they… they shot him many times, and his wife, and his baby. And then they, they beat him with canisters of the anthrax! And then they blew him to bits with the nuclear grenades!

[Gasps.]

BUSH: That poor man!

POWELL: So there’ll be no hard evidence.

RICE: Colin!

ALSAYED: No, it is all right. I understand the need for evidence. My brother - he is wounded but he is alive. He just needs a little more time.

RUMSFELD: Of course. Tell him America wishes him a speedy recovery.

RICE: Mr. President, in light of this, I move that we hold off on sharing our intelligence with El Baradei.

BUSH: Who?

ROVE (behind Bush, quietly): Tell Powell to go to the press and make the case.

BUSH: Powell, go to the press and make the case.

POWELL: But -

ROVE: Tell Powell you don’t want to hear it.

BUSH: I don’t want to hear it, Powell.

ROVE: Adjourn the meeting.

BUSH: Okay guys, lunch time!

[Everyone files out, except for Rove and Bush]

ROVE: Say “Arf.”

BUSH: Arf.

ROVE: Excellent…