Monthly Archive

The right advice for the right people from your Vice President

Dear Dick,
Hi - I’m a big fan and a long-time reader, but this is my first time writing to you.
I’m just your average middle-aged CEO trying to make his way in the world. Like you, I stand to earn an extra few hundred thousand […]

So last night, while I pondered, weak and weary (bourbon and Chinese food do NOT mix), I started wondering…
Okay, it’s the spring of 2002, and the U.S. is making serious noises about invading Iraq. And they mean it this time. If I’m Saddam Hussein, what am I gonna do?
Well, first and foremost I’d […]

There are going to be some changes around the Fanatical Apathy homestead. No, don’t fret - the actual daily(ish) content will remain more or less the same, as (according to my latest business model) I won’t be able to afford to hire an actual writing staff until the spring of 2045. But […]

One year ago, when this site was still toddling around in knee-pants, I unveiled
The State of the Union Drinking Game! (2002 Edition). It was a runaway, smash-hit, blockbuster success for this site and the thirty people who were reading it at the time. Its appeal, like any good drinking game, was that […]

From CNN - “Colin Powell says the United States is counting on the support of at least a dozen countries for war against Iraq — with or without another U.N. Security Council resolution… “I don’t want to give names or give you a count, because I think each country should speak for itself on a […]

Sometimes I find myself riding the NYC subway very late at night, long after all the respectable people have donned their smoking jackets and finished their last sherry of the evening (or whatever it is that respectable people do before bed these days). There, in the maniac-infused pre-dawn hours, I will sometimes find myself […]

Chapter vii
1. And it came to pass that Joe did travel upon the land with Albert, as his second. 2. And there Joe saw many things that were new to him, for he had not before traveled upon the whole of the land, having dwelt all his days in the land of Connecticut, […]

“Iraq Promises to Help U.N. Hunt for Its Own Weapons” - Reuters.
INT. SADDAM’S PLACE - EVENING
[Hans Blix comes up the walkway carrying a nicely-wrapped bottle of wine. He stops at the door, smooths his hair, and rings the bell. Dogs bark. Moments later, Saddam Hussein, wearing a housedress and a kerchief tied […]